Standing At A Crossroad

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like you don’t know which road to take? Have you ever made a choice believing it was God’s will for you at the time, and then looked back and thought that just maybe you made a decision that wasn’t God’s will at all? I have.

I went through a very dark and difficult time in my life a little more than 10 years ago. Basically, my life as I knew it, imploded. I didn’t just hit a bump in the road or a little pothole. I fell head long into a deep, dark crater. I was stunned, in shock, and outright devastated. I was completely lost, stumbling around blindly, having no idea what to do.

I finally did the only thing I could do. I fell on my face before God. I prayed like I never had before, and scoured His Word, looking for answers. Then, something happened that had never happened to me before(at least that I was aware of)….I heard His voice! It was as though God was speaking directly into my heart, showing me what I needed to do. Obviously, it wasn’t audibly, but it may as well have been. His answer was not what I expected or wanted to hear. I honestly admit that it was definitely not my first thought, or my choice. I thought for sure that this could not be right, but no matter where I turned in His Word, or what I prayed, I kept hearing the same answer. So, I decided I needed to listen and follow His leading no matter the cost, and to be completely honest and open with you, I admit that it cost me greatly.

I thought everything would be better since I decided to follow the path God set before me. Guess what? My imploding life was not miraculously fixed. In fact, it got much worse. I just couldn’t understand why, so I started to doubt what I had believed. I questioned what He wanted me to do. I prayed and I prayed for answers. I begged God to send me a sign. At this point, I think I was actually asking for a neon sign! Something bright and flashing that told me exactly what to do. I was looking for the pillar of fire that God led the Israelites through the wilderness with, or at least the cloud they followed by day. ( I wonder if when we ask God for that Neon Sign, if He says, “ I gave you exactly what you need. My Word, and the Holy Spirit.”)

The problem was that I didn’t understand that sometimes God allows us to enter the wilderness, because that is what is best for us. He doesn’t always send us down the easy road. Exodus 13:17-18 tells us that when God led the Israelites out Egypt, He did not take them down the easy road, the fastest road. He led them through the wilderness. Why? So they would learn to rely on Him, and not on themselves. This particular wilderness of mine lasted for a year and a half, before I saw the results of my obedience to God, before He stepped in to heal what was broken. Sometimes, even all these years later, I still look back and wonder if I really did the right thing. I see the effects my decisions had on my children and the way it changed them. The ways they struggle in their lives, and the way I still struggle in mine. Then I remember all the things that God taught me. My relationship with Him grew so much during that desert time in my life. I learned to lean on Him instead of others or myself. I learned that He is trustworthy. The main thing I learned is that God may allow us to travel through the wilderness, but we are not there alone. He is right there beside us, and He NEVER leaves us there! He is always enough!!

21 And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by day and night:22 He took not away the pillar of the cloud by day, nor the pillar of fire by night, from before the people Exodus 13: 21-22

This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. Lamentations 3:21-23