Wife Of The Year? Definitely Not!

Jody and I have been married for almost 25 years. It has been a journey filled with love, anger, joy, heartbreak, laughter, tears, and everything else in between. Many of you  could probably say the same thing. Marriage is hard! Even if you are not married, relationships are hard, and life is tough. Though it may feel like it sometimes, none of us are doing life alone. Others do go through the same things we do. Maybe not in the same way, or at the same time, but their pain is just as real as ours. Sometimes, when we are going through storms in our lives, we try to hide it, or pretend it isn’t happening. I used to be that way. I learned, at a very young age, how to pretend that everything was going great . This is not a strength! It is actually quite a weakness. When we are not real and open about our struggles, we can not get the help that we need. It is hard to ask for help when you are pretending to be just fine. It is hard to pray about something that you are not being truthful about. God wants to help us walk through our storms, but we have to get real with Him first. He already knows what we are going through, so why do we try to hide it? Plain and simple, the answer is pride. We want everyone to think that we have it all together. Our marriage is great, our kids are great, our finances are great, our spiritual walk is great, and on and on it goes. 

I honestly think that one of the reasons I started blogging and sharing my story is because I have learned the value of being real. When we are real, others tend to be real with us. We can gain a lot of wisdom and insight from those who have been where we are. Of course, it is very important to choose a mentor wisely. Many times, we try to get help from people who will agree with us, because we don’t want to hear truth. We just want sympathy and validation for our feelings. I am talking to myself here, because I have definitely done that more times than I care to admit. Thankfully, I have learned the value of seeking out godly wisdom, and I have learned the importance of seeking God first. I have also realized that my story, though far from perfect, may very well help someone else. So as I share my story, I pray that it helps someone else in their’s.

The ladies in my church were doing a Bible Study called Let’s Get Real. It is based on the Book of James. This study really convicted me of places in my life that I need to change, and the importance of living out what I believe. One week of our study was based on James, chapter 3. This chapter is dealing with the believers tongue. Our Bible Study leader 7brought out three main points regarding our tongue (our words). They have the power to direct, the power to delight, and the power to destroy. That is a lot of power! That is why it is imperative to ask for God’s help in this area. We can’t tame our own tongues, only God can. Sure, we maybe able to count to ten, bite our tongue, or seal our lips shut, but the truth is…what comes out of our mouths, is controlled by what is in our hearts. Only God can change our hearts.

We were discussing how we speak to our families, and how we interact with them. Someone brought up an illustration about one of our church friends. This wonderful lady always makes sure that her husband knows that he is loved and how important he is to her. So, at the end of every work day, she waits at the door and greets him when he gets home. My first reaction to this was “that’s ridiculous and impossible”!! I mean seriously, who has time for that! (I love you Krystal!) Of course, it didn’t take long for God to convict me of my bad attitude. He likes to do that. I am actually very grateful that He does. 

You see, not that long ago, our pet beagle got hit by a car. Jody loved our dog, and was heartbroken when we had to put her to sleep. About a month later, he still seemed down. I mentioned that he seemed sad and he said that he really missed our dog, Chloe. He then proceeded to say that Chloe was the only one who seemed to care whether he came home from work or not, and that she was the only one who greeted him, and acted excited to see him every day.  After hearing him out, guess what I did? If you think I started making him feel loved and missed, you would be wrong. I am sure that I probably even rolled my eyes when he was telling me how he felt. Then, the next day, I went to the dog shelter and bought him a new dog. Yep, that is right, I bought him another dog. Instead of taking the few minutes each day to let my husband know that I was glad he was home, I got another dog. How sad is that! Like I said, wife of the year, I am not, but thank God, I am a work in progress. God got all over me about my attitude and actions. John 13:34 – 35 says “A new commandment I give you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. (NKJV)  1 John 3:18 says “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.(NLT) Wow…I think God put this verse in the Bible just for me. Our loved ones need to hear the words “I love You”, but they need to SEE that we love them even more. Our actions need to back up our words. I am far from perfect in this area. Maybe you are too. If you are having trouble like me, don’t be discouraged. Pray about it, and ask God to help you match your actions with your words. He longs to hear us, encourage us, and help us grow. Aren’t you glad that God shows His love for us a whole lot better than we show our love for one another? I know I am! 

I write down my story because I was once, not too long ago, a very broken girl. I was so filled with bitterness, anger, and hurt that there was no room for anything else. I had no joy, no peace, and no hope.  I was a mess, my life was a disaster, and my family was falling apart. No matter what I did, where I went, or the people I surrounded myself with, nothing made a difference.  I kept listening for answers, longing for joy, and looking for something or someone to fill in the broken areas of my life. Nothing seemed to be able to put the shattered pieces of my life back together.  That is, until I found Jesus.

Wait a minute…that doesn’t sound right.  I had believed in Jesus since I was four years old.  I had even been baptized.  I grew up in Baptist churches, and went to Christian schools.  I even attended Christian College and took classes at a seminary.  I knew the Bible and could give all the right answers.  I tried to follow all the rules and stay away from all the “Thou Shalt Nots” the best I could.  I attended church every time the doors were open, and even shared the Gospel with other people. I was a leader in our youth group, played my violin in the church orchestra, sang in the choir and ensembles, and worked in the nursery.  I could seriously go on and on, but I am sure that you understand what I am trying to say.  I didn’t just claim to be a Christian, but also tried to live as one. For thirty-seven years, with a few exceptions, I did a pretty good job. Anyone who passed by would have thought that I was a Christ follower. The truth is, I even had myself fooled. Inside I was broken and miserable, yet every day I put on my “Christian Face” and kept trudging along.  The sad truth is, I was as lost as I could be. 

Then one day, Jesus came my way. We were having revival services at our church in Florida. And of course, I was being the good Christian girl (I was 37) and attending every service. The evangelist for the week was preaching the salvation message. It was something I had heard hundreds of times before, but this time was different. This time the message seared straight through to my heart.  I can’t explain how I felt sitting there realizing that my whole life had been a sham. You see, I had known all about Him, but I didn’t personally know Him. I had never had a relationship with Him. I had prayed a prayer because I was scared to death of going to Hell. I don’t think I truly understood that I was lost, and in need of the Savior.  I hadn’t grasped my need to truly repent, and give my heart to Jesus. I had never given my life over to God. He wasn’t the Lord of my life, I was. It was literally like a light had come on inside. I wish I could say that I ran up the isle to give my life to Jesus, but I didn’t. No matter what my heart was telling me, my head was saying, you don’t need to do this, you already prayed the sinners prayer. I was worried about what everyone else would think. I mean, for thirty-three years, I had claimed to be a Christian.  I held on to the back of the pew in front of me as hard as I could, and stayed in my place. As I drove home that night, I was so convicted.  Jesus kept knocking on my heart’s door saying… I am the answer for your pain, for your heartache, for all your broken pieces. I am the One you have been longing for, I am the One you need.  I couldn’t sleep or think of anything else that night until got down on my knees and accepted Christ into my life. I am so thankful that He never gave up on me, and I can honestly, and joyfully say, that I have never been the same!

If like me, you are hurting, broken, bruised, beaten, burdened down, and lonely, Jesus is the answer.  If you are bitter, angry, and empty inside, like I was, Jesus is the answer.  If you hear Him knocking at your hearts door, don’t wait. Don’t worry what others will think, and don’t let your thoughts keep you from answering yes to His call. I promise you…Jesus is the answer.  

Psalm 34:18 (NIV)  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit. Revelation 3:20 (ESV) Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if anyone  hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with Me.

If wey I were an angel when Jesus left His throne, would I have watched in disbelief, wondering why He would leave His Heavenly home?  Would I have shaken my head, confused by this sight, asking how the Father could show mercy to those who had broken all of His laws? 

If I were Mary, chosen by God, what would I think about my life now? How could I be, just a poor, simple girl, the mother of God’s Son, the Messiah, the promised One? Would I have really understood how truly blessed I was, to be able to kiss the very face of God.

If I were a shepherd watching my flock by night, what would I have done, when the angel appeared, proclaiming the promised One had come? Would I have believed and followed the star, or doubted the truth and stayed where I was?

If I were the innkeeper, would I have turned them away, or given them a hay filled stable where the mother and baby could lay? If I had known this young girl bore the Messiah, would I have shouted, “go away”, or given them my bed, imploring them to stay? 

If I were a wise man, would I have traveled so far? Would I have heeded God’s warning and traveled back another way? Would I have brought my gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh to the child King, or would I have pridefully kept them all for me? 

If I were one of the Heavenly Host, would I have understood why Jesus would go? Why give up His glorious splendor to lay down His life for such undeserving men, who would later send him to his death? Would I later have stood there as He followed the will of His Father, giving up His life for sinners? Maybe I would have left Heaven in a fit of anger, destroying mankind for the way they treated the glorious Savior. Then again, maybe I’d have chosen to quietly look on what was unfolding, also obeying the will of my Creator.

If I were a soldier at the foot of the cross, would I have been a part of those who jeered and mocked? Would I have proudly stood saying “look what I have done. I killed the King, the Holy One”. Maybe, just maybe, I would have fallen down instead, crying out in shame, knowing that the Lamb of God was before me dead.

If I were His follower, on that Easter morning, what would I have imagined when I found the tomb empty? Would I have wept believing all was lost, sure that the world would forever suffer the cost? Would I have rejoiced, and sang out His praises, knowing the Son had risen just like He promised? 

I am not an angel, a shepherd, or Mary, neither am I a soldier, the innkeeper, or wiseman. I am just a girl, whose soul was totally and hopelessly lost. One looking for answers where none could be found. One day, the Holy Spirit my way did come, showing me the grace of Jesus, God’s Son. Showing me that upon the cross, my sins had He borne, bringing forgiveness and hope that could be mine for evermore. Sin He had conquered, and over death He had won. Oh, praise His name, He is the Resurrected One. I am redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb, a child of the King, forever I am!

February 9th to most people is just another day. To me and my family, it is a day marked with grief. On this day, 5 years ago, my baby sister, Rachel took her last breath here on this earth. She was beautiful, funny, intelligent and stubborn. She loved her husband, her family, her friends, her pets, shopping, coffee, and most importantly her Lord. She was kind and compassionate, yet strong and outspoken. She was my sister, my friend and I loved her dearly. Almost exactly a year before her death, Rachel found out that she had a rare form of lung cancer. She didn’t smoke and was only 33, yet the lining of her lung had been overtaken by this horrible disease. Her’s was not to be an easy road. She suffered greatly, especially at the end.  Even though she was in a lot of pain and stuck in the hospital, Rach didn’t complain. In fact, we have pictures of her giving the nurses back massages, braiding their hair, painting their nails, and whatever else she was capable of doing. She just wanted to give back to them for helping her. This is who we miss. This is why we grieve.

BUT…We do not grieve as those who have no hope. Rachel accepted Christ into her life, and because of God’s wonderful gift of salvation, we know that my sister is in Heaven. Those of us who have a personal relationship with God, know that we will see her again one day. She is not lost to us, she is not gone. Rach is alive and well. She has perfect peace and is looking forward to when we will join her in our eternal home. Because I know my sister, I know that she would want you to know ,that you also can have hope. (Hope in your struggles, hope through your pain, and hope when you are facing death) God loves you and He sent His son, Jesus to make a way for you to have a personal relationship with Him. Jesus gave His life for yours, so that you could have hope, so that you could have peace, so that you could know without a doubt where you will spend eternity. I know that my sis (as do I) would implore you to take a look at your life and your relationship with God. Make sure that you know without a doubt that Jesus is your Savior and Lord. Her desire was that others saw Jesus through her suffering, and that you would come to love God (as she did) through her death.

Do I miss her? Absolutely! Every Day! Do I still grieve? Of course. But I also have great joy, and I can smile through my tears because I have Hope.

I Peter 1:3-4   Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you,

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton