I write down my story because I was once, not too long ago, a very broken girl. I was so filled with bitterness, anger, and hurt that there was no room for anything else. I had no joy, no peace, and no hope. I was a mess, my life was a disaster, and my family was falling apart. No matter what I did, where I went, or the people I surrounded myself with, nothing made a difference. I kept listening for answers, longing for joy, and looking for something or someone to fill in the broken areas of my life. Nothing seemed to be able to put the shattered pieces of my life back together. That is, until I found Jesus.
Wait a minute…that doesn’t sound right. I had believed in Jesus since I was four years old. I had even been baptized. I grew up in Baptist churches, and went to Christian schools. I even attended Christian College and took classes at a seminary. I knew the Bible and could give all the right answers. I tried to follow all the rules and stay away from all the “Thou Shalt Nots” the best I could. I attended church every time the doors were open, and even shared the Gospel with other people. I was a leader in our youth group, played my violin in the church orchestra, sang in the choir and ensembles, and worked in the nursery. I could seriously go on and on, but I am sure that you understand what I am trying to say. I didn’t just claim to be a Christian, but also tried to live as one. For thirty-seven years, with a few exceptions, I did a pretty good job. Anyone who passed by would have thought that I was a Christ follower. The truth is, I even had myself fooled. Inside I was broken and miserable, yet every day I put on my “Christian Face” and kept trudging along. The sad truth is, I was as lost as I could be.
Then one day, Jesus came my way. We were having revival services at our church in Florida. And of course, I was being the good Christian girl (I was 37) and attending every service. The evangelist for the week was preaching the salvation message. It was something I had heard hundreds of times before, but this time was different. This time the message seared straight through to my heart. I can’t explain how I felt sitting there realizing that my whole life had been a sham. You see, I had known all about Him, but I didn’t personally know Him. I had never had a relationship with Him. I had prayed a prayer because I was scared to death of going to Hell. I don’t think I truly understood that I was lost, and in need of the Savior. I hadn’t grasped my need to truly repent, and give my heart to Jesus. I had never given my life over to God. He wasn’t the Lord of my life, I was. It was literally like a light had come on inside. I wish I could say that I ran up the isle to give my life to Jesus, but I didn’t. No matter what my heart was telling me, my head was saying, you don’t need to do this, you already prayed the sinners prayer. I was worried about what everyone else would think. I mean, for thirty-three years, I had claimed to be a Christian. I held on to the back of the pew in front of me as hard as I could, and stayed in my place. As I drove home that night, I was so convicted. Jesus kept knocking on my heart’s door saying… I am the answer for your pain, for your heartache, for all your broken pieces. I am the One you have been longing for, I am the One you need. I couldn’t sleep or think of anything else that night until got down on my knees and accepted Christ into my life. I am so thankful that He never gave up on me, and I can honestly, and joyfully say, that I have never been the same!
If like me, you are hurting, broken, bruised, beaten, burdened down, and lonely, Jesus is the answer. If you are bitter, angry, and empty inside, like I was, Jesus is the answer. If you hear Him knocking at your hearts door, don’t wait. Don’t worry what others will think, and don’t let your thoughts keep you from answering yes to His call. I promise you…Jesus is the answer.
Psalm 34:18 (NIV) The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit. Revelation 3:20 (ESV) Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with Me.
Trusting Through Brokenness 